11. PMO Relapse and how to leverage them
I would love to say that my journey has been easy and that relapse has not been a part of it, but that could not be farther from the truth. During my tenure as a PMOE addict I have relapsed many times.
Even this year in 2025, as I am fully facing my PMOE addiction head on and doing the work to build a life of purpose, I have not been perfect on my journey. There have been mistakes I have made, behavior I have allowed that has been harmful, and ultimately there have been relapses, albeit less relapses than I have ever experienced while trying to recover and remain PMOE free (By the way, I see this as a huge win, I am no longer stuck in a very deep fix/relapse cycle, I have long multi month stretches of abstinence, and my life has radically improved and is still improving, I know PMOE is finally losing its lifelong grip on me!)
When I set out to write this blog and share the process I am using to quit PMOE, I so badly wanted to offer a solution that was relapse free and would be perfect for everyone, to include myself. That however has not been the case, I can honestly say that I use the techniques within this blog personally and that I am having the best success I have ever has over my PMOE addiction, but my journey has not been spotless.
It is essential when dealing with a slip or relapse that you do not beat yourself up, it does not help anything and only makes a consecutive day relapse more likely. For years I was stuck in the cycle of trying to quit PMOE, then eventually giving into urges, beating myself up for yet another failure, making my self feel awful, and then getting back into PMOE to feel better.
No relapse is a waste if you are able to learn and integrate the lesson moving forward (this is not an excuse to relapse freely, do not use it as one!). One thing I know for myself after many years of trying to quit and relapsing, is that even though it appeared that what I was as doing was not working, I was learning a little more each time, this ends up being valuable knowledge to finally achieve long term abstinence and has given me a ton of insight on strategies that work and ones that don’t.
This journey is about progress and not perfection, try to beat your last best streak and to improve each time you are on a PMOE free protocol. Take the shame and the guilt out of it and replace it with strategy and commitment to change. I know for me I am fully committed to being permanently free of PMOE on day, and I am willing to learn and grow in whatever way necessary to achieve my goal. That is my ultimate aim because I know deep down inside that PMOE is life stealing, and absolutely will destroy my life if I allow it to. I keep my ultimate aim in focus, I do not forget it, and even if I falter and slip, I get back up and continue forward, adjusting my strategy to address the weak spots I had on my last attempt.
It is critical to ensure no relapse/slip goes to waste and that you take the time to analyze what happened to cause it to happen, what led up to it, and what you can change next time to address the issue. Below are immediate steps to take to recover PMOE relapse and to leverage it, ensuring you do not let it go to waste.
Immediate action steps:
If you relapse do not beat yourself up, criticize yourself, or pile on a bunch of shame. Accept that it happened, acknowledge how it feels both emotionally and physiologically, and forgive yourself.
Relapses do not have to drag on, you did not lose all of your progress or benefits after a relapse, but it is critical to pick yourself up as quickly as you can and get back to recovery. The longer you flood your brain with dopamine the more intense your future urges will be and the harder it will be to climb back out. Bingeing is optional, find a good stopping point after you relapse, and immediately get back into your recovery path.
Admit to a trusted person in your circle that you slipped and what you are planning to do differently moving forward.
Journal about the following topics to ensure you learn from your relapse
Detail exactly what happened leading up to the relapse in the moments/hours before you decided to give into the urge
Where were you?
How were you feeling?
What did you ignore or decided not to do to counteract the urge?
Did something happen that triggered you?
EXAMPLE:
I was sitting in my basement office, which is also historically my goon cave.
I was feeling really down on myself and disappointed, it has been a rough few weeks, I haven’t been as disciplined as I think I should be, and my job is not going very well.
I could have called one of my friends and shared how I was feeling but I decided not to. I could feel the urge to use PMO building up and I was fantasizing about certain porn stars I wanted to see naked. I chose not to meditate or journal either, but just sit with the urges and let them go where they wanted to.
Work has been really tough lately, I haven't not been selling like I want to be, I do not feel like I am doing a good enough job finding leads, and I am really stressed about finances.
Next Journal about what led up to the relapse in the weeks or months prior, is there something you were doing or thinking about that led up to this relapse?
Detail the things you know contributed to this relapse
Were you still allowing sexual fantasy and even escalating in fantasy in the previous weeks/months?
Were you still masturbating and edging (MOE), even though you were not using porn?
Was your MOE escalating over the previous weeks/months? More mental fantasy, more acting out, etc…
Did you allow a thirst trap back into your life (Facebook chicks, Tiktok, Bikini girls, etc…) that eventually led to you having an intense urge to view porn?
EXAMPLE:
Over the last few weeks I have been allowing more and more sexual fantasy into my life, to the point were my fantasies were becoming boring an dI was escalating into more taboo fantasies.
After I hit 30 days sober on very strict Monk mode, I began to allow myself to touch my penis, get hard, and edge a little bit. over multiple months this escalated and I started to edge more.
Yes I escalated more fantasy, more MOE, I purchased sex toys and implements to intensify things.
I eventually needed more excitement, so I looked at hot girls on Facebook, and then downloaded Tiktok to see sexy women dancing, and then ultimately the day came when I looked up bikini girls, then I saw topless ones, and then I said screw it and looked up full blown naked women.
After writing down the above information, come up with a plan moving forward. Detail exactly how you plan to deal with each item differently on your next recovery attempt.
What will you do differently?
What environmental changes will you make to help? For example: Dismantling your computer, or moving it into a common room, hell maybe you take a hammer to it and destroy it.
Remind yourself of your why, PMOE is not a trivial pursuit, it is a life stealing destructive force that will take everything from you and leave you with only your broken self in return. I personally can forget the gravity of my PMOE addiction, so I go back and refamilirize myself with my list of the worst things I have done in service to my addiction. Once I really go back and feel those things I have done, it is a sobering reminder of why the only option for me is to move forward and recover, because the other option is destruction. If this was about just jerking off every once and awhile to some naked babes, that would be one thing, but that is not the reality with PMOE addiction for me. If you have stayed with me this far, then PMOE addiction isn’t some innocent hobby for you either, this is life and death, the only option left is to recover and move on.
