Acknowledge your urges

One of the main problems I have had on my many PMOE free periods is dealing with urges, The more time that goes by, the stronger they appear to get and eventually I give in. For many years I have felt an intense fear about my urges and about the discomfort they can cause. I have told myself over and over again that ultimately I will not be able to deal with them and I will give in. I have even felt that my urges make up my mind for me and I cross this invisible line where the decision has been made to PMOE and that there is nothing I can do about it besides surrender. I have repeated this cycle countless times over the years of trying to quit PMOE.

I have tried many techniques to deal with urges to include, praying, journaling, meditating, sharing it with a friend or accountability partner, and trying to stay busy. All of these techniques work to some degree, but they also can be a form of kicking the can down the road and not fully dealing with the urge especially if I am giving power to the urge by being fearful of it and by pumping sexual fantasy into it behind the scenes.

I have found for me the method that works best and also sounds too simple is to acknowledge the urge and then to try to feel it in the body, while simultaneously not feeding the urge with a bunch of fear or sexual fantasy. I have had a profound shift in how I see urges and how I deal with them now in my day to day life, and I can say they have become actually manageable and I am no longer afraid of them.

Here is exactly how I do it:

1. I notice the urge welling up within

2. I immediately pause and acknowledge it, I say out loud “I am feeling an urge to jerk off….to look at porn…to cum….etc…”

3. I do not feed the urge with negativity or with sexual fantasy, if those things come up I cut them off immediately and move to the next step.

4. I say out load to myself, “It’s ok to feel this way John, now where is the urge in your body?”

5. I then go into my body and I articulate where I am feeling the urge “I can feel tightness in my chest, tingling in my genitals, and a warm ball of energy in my pelvis area….etc” I do not worry about describing this accurately or using more descriptive terms, I just say what I feel.

6. I then carry on with my day, I repeat this process as many times as I need too.

This is the most effective way to deal with urges that I have personally tried. It does take practice and it is not a silver bullet. I have found for myself when I diligently practice this I am able to get through most all of my urges unscathed while also not feeling like they are pent up or lurking in the background.

One of the big realizations I have had surrounding my urges is that historically I have always made my urges worse by being anxious about them and by fueling them with sexual fantasy. I have come to discover that this is optional, I do not have to build my urges up into monsters that I cannot resist, but rather I can cut them off by acknowledging them immediately instead of adding fuel to the fire.

Even though I just walked you through the process I use to deal with urges, per usual, here are your immediate action steps that you can follow along with immediately in you’re own PMO free journey.

Immediate Action Steps:

1. When you notice an urge rising up:

   1. Immediately pause

   2. Acknowledge the urge by speaking out loud and naming it: I have the urge to jerk off right now, I want to look at porn right now, I want to get off right now, etc…

   3. Do not add fuel to the fire by being fearful or upset about the urge, do not make it scarier than it is ultimately it is just a feeling that wants to be felt.

   4. Do not begin to have sexual fantasies when the urge come up, if you notice yourself doing this stop and redirect your thoughts onto this process, sexual fantasy adds fuel to the fire, this is optional you do not have to build your urges up into something stronger.

   5. After you acknowledge your urge tell yourself: “It is ok to have this urge, now where is the urge my your body?”

   6. Go within and scan your body, where is the urge manifesting itself in your body?

      1. How does your head feel is it buzzing with energy? Is your chest tight? Is your dick tingling? Do you feel energy in your pelvis?

   7. There is no right or wrong when finding the feelings in your body, it is your own su bijective experience, and you do not need to be eloquent to explain where you are feeling the urge in your body. It could be as simple as: “My dick is tingling and my chest is tight” or “my right foot hurts and my mind is buzzing” whatever it is, the only important thing is that you find the sensation in your body and acknowledge it.

   8. If you are like me and have a lot of urges come up throughout the day you will be practicing this method a lot, some days are easier than others. I have personally found it easy to get lazy with this especially when I am having a lot of urges, and to lose my vigilance and allow my urges to start to get a foothold within me. This only leads to one place, an eventual slip. It is critical that you stay vigilant and continue to practice this no matter what. I keep having to remind myself that this is a lifelong battle, so long as I have sexual energy in me I will have to manage it, The call to PMOE will always be there, albeit it becomes weaker with time and practice. Do not beat yourself up for not doing this perfect, just try as diligently as you can. If you fail, get back up, dust yourself off, and start practicing again!