1. Say Grace before you jerk it
“The way I quit smoking was I started to do the sign of the cross on myself and say grace before I lit up, I did it each time before I smoked and eventually I quit all together cold turkey” My former green beret AA sponsor and mentor explained to me.
“You did what?”I thought, that might be crazy enough to actually work. I too was a cigarette smoker (a pack of Newports a day to be exact) and absolutely hated the habit, but quitting never stuck all the times I had tried before. I decided I was going to give it a try and see what happened.
The next day I committed to this practice, every time I reached for a smoke I would cross myself and say this prayer “Bless O’Lord these gifts we are about to receive from your bounty through your son Jesus Christ Our Lord, Amen.”
It felt strange and even wrong doing this, maybe even disrespectful, but I stuck to it all day long none the less. At the end of the day I crumpled up the last part of my pack of Newports and I have not had a single cigarette since that day back in May 2011.
The method seemed to have worked, as strange as it seemed. I will say that I already did hate smoking and ultimately I wanted to quit, but this technique seemed to have pushed me across the line.
What I have realized since then is that this technique is very helpful in beginning to establish mindfulness and drive a wedge between you and your addictive behavior. If you are in total impulse addictive mode it is critical to build a buffer between you and your addiction, if only for a second or two.
I have used this technique with PMO addiction in the past, I like to change up the prayer and do a Hail Mary sometimes instead and I imagine one could find a prayer or phrase that they would prefer to use. That said I would not use finding the perfect prayer as an excuse not to take action. I know for me what I have tried in the past to quit PMO has not worked, to include over intellectualizing everything. If I were you, I would just use the classic grace prayer described in this post, no need to over think it, just do it.
In the months leading up to my inevitably quitting PMO I got into the habit of crossing myself and saying Grace right before, during, or after my PMO sessions. I would be in the middle of a long edging or spree and it would occur to me to pray, I would stop, say a prayer, and get right back to jerkin’. Or when I was sitting down to begin a gooning session I would cross myself and pray before I began. Sometimes it would not occur to me to pray until after I climaxed, but I would still do it as I was committed and open to change. The point is I consistently practiced this technique even though I was continuing to act out with PMO often. No matter how shameful the content, how destructive the edging session, how much time I wasted, how many sessions per day, I kept saying grace before, during, and after sessions. I did not always feel sincere while doing it, sometimes I even felt like I was being sarcastic or disrespectful, but I did not let that deter me from the practice of pausing and saying Grace.
This is the first step to quitting PMO for good, no matter how bad off you are, how extreme the porn you are looking at, or how many bottoms you have hit, this is where to start. You do not have to be religious or believe in God, rather you need to accept that what you have tried in the past to quit has not worked and keep and open mind. You also have to be absolutely willing to do it consistently. It may feel like it is not working, that is normal, the important thing is doing it regardless.
This is something to start doing immediately, right this moment.
Immediate Action Steps:
Learn how to cross yourself : With your right or left hand touch your forehead, then down to the center of your chest, then to your left peck, then right peck
Memorize this prayer (or something else if you feel inclined but be careful you are not making excuses not to take action):
Bless O’ Lord these gifts which we are about to receive from your bounty through your son Jesus Christ Our Lord, Amen.
Start using this prayer daily, anytime you think about PMO, when you sit down to use PMO, when you are knee deep in the hardest core escalated shameful binge imaginable, when it occurs to you , stop, pray, and then continue your binge.
Don't worry about the results, don't worry about believing or not believing, consistently do it and keep an open mind. A sacred space will open soon for you and you will be ready to take advantage of it.
This technique is to be used while you are currently in active addiction, even if you know you are going to go partake after the moment after reading this article, start saying Grace now, and keep it going through all of your sessions. This is the first step to lasting change and freedom from PMO addiction.
