8. Know your triggers

Knowing your PMO triggers is an essential part of staying PMO free. You have to be able to see the conditions for relapse occurring before you act out so you can implement counter measures. If you are currently committed to Monk mode, then like me, then your PMO addiction has been a large part of your life, you have tried to quit before and relapsed many times. Due to your extensive experience with PMO recovery and relapse, you have tons of first hand experience that will make identifying most of your triggers easy. By being aware you can come up with a plan to deal with your triggers before they have a chance to pull you back down into PMO.

I know for me my main trigger is the feeling of rejection. When I feel like I have been rejected by my spouse, or by other people I am at a high risk of acting out with PMO. One of my classic relapse triggers is feeling rejected by my spouse, and then going down the mental path of “I am unworthy, unattractive, I only have myself at the end of the day, I guess I better take care of my needs…”

Another one of my triggers is simply being on my gaming PC down in the basement at my desk. 99% of PMO use occurs at that desk in that basement room, behind a closed door and a room divider.

Another one of my triggers is feeling sick or having a headache, for years I have used PMO as a balm I put on myself when I am not feeling well.

Lastly, another big trigger for me is when my wife is gone for a large chunk of the evening. If I know I am going to have 3 or 4 hours to myself after I put my kids down to bed, that I will be tempted to have a long PMO binge.

Everything changes when you write your triggers down and come up with a plan you are committed to a sticking to when they come up. This will give you confidence in the face of triggers and urges that typically bring you to your knees. It is non-negotiable that you actually write them down and come up with a plan. I used to skip this step, I would hear others talking about writing down triggers and I always felt that that was too much work and I could just think about my triggers, but this is lazy and leaves the door open for another PMO binge in the future. You cannot cut corners when it comes to doing this work, writing things down in your journal make them concrete. The awareness you will gain from writing triggers down, then writing down your startegy to deal with them is very important and will help you on your journey to crush you rPMO addiction once and for all.

Action Steps:

1. Get out your journal and a pen

2. Make a list of your triggers but give yourself some space in between each trigger because you will be formulating a counter attack under each item. here is the template with an actual example

   1. Trigger: Sitting on my PC in the basement, 99% of my PMO use occurs at this location.

      1. Strategy 1: Stop using my PC, do not sit down to use the PC for duration of monk mode and maybe ever again.

      2. Strategy 2: Dismantle my PC, pack it all up and put it away, create friction In case I get the urge to use it.

      3. Strategy 3: Move my PC upstairs into the family room, where it is in plain view and only use it when my wife and kids are in the room.

      4. Strategy 4: Take a hammer to my PC and smash it into pieces ensuring I never feel tempted by it again

3. As seen in the above example I wrote down one of my triggers and then four possible strategy’s to deal with the trigger. Even if all of the strategy's aren’t totally viable write them down. For the above example, the startegy that I have ended up using is #1, I simply do not use my PC anymore and have not in months. In the past I have dismantled it as well, and that has worked for short periods of time, but I find it unnecessary for me to do that.

4. Here is another example personal example

   1. Trigger: My wife is going to be gone for multiple hours and I will have ample time for a real long PMO binge

      1. Strategy 1: Call someone and have a phone conversation or make plans to get together outside of the house

      2. Startegy 2: Spend extra time with my kids, let them stay up later than usual, eat up as much free time as possible

      3. Strategy 3: Plan my evening to the minute and then follow the plan

         1. Example:

            1. 630 Arrive at home from work

            2. 645 Make and eat dinner

            3. 715 Start to get girls ready for bed, read stories or watch YouTube videos of their choosing, do not rush, take 30-45min to put them down to bed

            4. 800 Brush teeth, wash face, sleep protocol (darken room, turn on red light)

            5. 820 In bed with book I am reading, journal, and affirmation index cards.

            6. 820-9 Listen to meditative music while doing my evening journal and reading routine

            7. Lights off by 9, go to sleep knowing that tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and energized to attack the day.

5. Write your triggers down the same way I have shown you in the above examples, write as many down as you feel you need to and come up with a plan for each one. With all of my triggers I have multiple potential strategies to deal with them, and then I choose the one that makes the most sense for me at the time.

6. Do not skip this step, you will get something out of it and you will feel more confident if you have it all written down, now get to it!