3. Fully experience your goon sesh

I was watching one of my favorite YouTubers explain the tantric view of experiencing something whether healthy or unhealthy and really being honest about what an experience is like. How do you feel? Where do you feel it in your body? How do you feel before and after? Etc…

I started to think of all my years of PMO use and about some of the clarity I would have while deep in an edging session. For instance, there were many times where I would be feeling deep down inside “I'm miserable, I hate this, I just want this to stop, I can't stop, I’m desperate, I hate myself” as I jerked it to extreme shameful content. I would also have intense feelings of being disappointed and let down by myself, as much as I may have wanted to PMO, I was always disappointed in myself for giving in.

I also have realized that my energy drops, and my mind becomes dull almost instantly once I start to view porn. I can feel my vibration drop and my mental edge immediately dulled.

Immediate Action Steps:

This is a practice you can begin to apply immediately, every time you sit down to PMO (After your morning mediation, and saying Grace before your session) be super aware of how it makes you feel:

What happens to your energy level?

What happens to your mental clarity?

Do you feel disappointed, desperate to stop, or out of control?

Do you feel like another person is in control of your body while you descend into the depths of Pandora’s box?

Is it really that entertaining?

Does it really feel that good?

Is it actually boring?

Is it empty?

Is it worth it?

There is no use beating yourself up for using PMO, that only makes you feel worse and fuels the relapse cycle. That said, fully experiencing your PMO sessions, and even journaling about the experience afterwards is powerful. This lets you truly begin to see how it affects you, and lets you get true clarity around how PMO really makes you feel.

From here on out, be mindful of your experiences with PMO. If you are currently abstaining, great, you can apply this same tactic to your sexual thoughts and fantasies (more on this in a later Post, spoiler alert: What you think about matters), if you are currently relapsing do not beat yourself up, accept yourself, trust that you are doing the best you can, and continue to practice what you have learned so far. However, This is not an excuse to relapse, you have to be more honest with yourself than that, you will make zero progress by doing mental gymnastics and justifying further use.